Excerpts, Serials, and Out-of-Print

Eile bent over to open the backpack sitting at her feet, and pulled out a jar. She uncorked it and presented it to Sunny, who dropped the mass into it. Sunny stripped off the glove as Eile recorked the jar and dropped it back into the pack.

"We're just about finished, aren't we?" Eile asked as she straightened up.

Sunny pulled a scroll out of her belt. She wore a darling adventurer's outfit, consisting of a collared, sleeveless top that left her midriff bare, an open, long-sleeved jacket, and a flowing skirt that dropped to her ankles. Her feet were covered with soft shoes and she kept the gloves tucked under the belt when she wasn't using them. Her head was bare. She was armed with a long, slim dagger in a scabbard dangling from the belt.

"Let's see. Trovah leaves, sheckel berries, cannard acorns, shroom nuts, hilizon root, kasbah moss, urndin lichen, sorvaun fungus, and now vumit slime mold. Yep, the only item left is the Golden Mushroom."

"And where do we find that?"

Sunny unrolled the scroll further to reveal a map. While Eile looked over shoulder, she glanced around the clearing. "It should be this way," she reported, nodding off to her front left, "in some kind wetland." Eile was glad that one of Sunny's magical talents was an unerring sense of direction. She didn't want to get lost in these woods.

As Sunny rolled up the scroll, Eile picked up the pack. "Great. Looks like we'll get everything in record time." She wore a suit of armor that consisted of a leather unitard with a four-panel skirt of cuir-bouilli. It was reinforced with a metal breastplate and shoulder guards, as well as overlapping metal scales that covered the upper arms, belly, back, and thighs. Leather gloves and shoes completed the ensemble, but there was no helmet. She was armed with a short-bladed, double-edged broadsword she kept secured on her back in a leather harness.

Sunny retrieve her staff, which she had laid against the log. "Come on, Shadow," she said, as she and Eile headed out of the clearing. The cat hopped down and trotted over beside them.

"So, it's going to be a quiet trip after all," Shadow said.

"Yeah," Sunny quipped in a blithe manner, "looks like our luck's holding."

Shadow yowled in irritation. Sunny's dogged cheerfulness and carefree attitude could be annoying at times, especially when they were in potentially dangerous situations. Even Eile would lose patience with her on occasion.

"Well, I don't understand why the bad rep," Eile remarked. "I mean, we've heard all the stories, but this doesn't seem like such a bad place. A little gloomy perhaps, but nothing like the Enchanted Woods."

"Perhaps," Shadow conceded, "but the Enchanted Woods lies just across the Oukranos River. The Zoogs could colonize the Dark Wood, but they won't live here, or even visit except in large numbers, and there is very little that Zoogs fear. That should tell you something."

"What about cats?" Eile asked in a slightly mocking tone.

Shadow sneezed in derision. "We fear nothing, not even what Zoogs fear. But we're not foolhardy." And with that she sprinted out ahead of the girls.

+ + + + +

Eile couldn't help smiling. Shadow always did that when she didn't want to talk anymore.

"You shouldn't antagonize her like that," Sunny said in a disapproving tone. "She's only doing her job, trying to keep us safe."

"Yeah, sorry." Eile meant it, but Shadow could be so gloomy sometimes that it got on her nerves. There was a time, after she and Sunny first arrived in the Dreamlands, when she also would have been cautious, even a bit paranoid, but after their first few adventures it became apparent that, no matter how dire the circumstances, they were never as hopeless as they appeared. Eile still tended to take their adventures more seriously than Sunny, but she had learned to enjoy them more.

Besides, there was the time the cats had forced them on a mission by threatening them with death, and while they made amends with a generous reward and had treated them fairly ever since, Eile still held a minor resentment over the incident and gained a certain perverse pleasure from tweaking cat pride every now and then.

Eile slipped her free hand into Sunny's. "You know, I've been thinking, when we get back to Ulthar, we oughta celebrate."

Sunny gave her a surprised look.

"Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be the frugal one. But for once we're not hurting for money. We've still got plenty of what the cats gave us, our adventures of the past couple of months have brought in more than enough to cover our budget, and Mephitis has promised us a hefty fee. I think we can afford to splurge."

"I concur. So, what did you have in mind?"

"I thought we could start off with an afternoon at Tabitha's spa; get a massage, facials, mud bathes, the whole works."

"Sounds great! What else?"

"Then we can have dinner at Gündersen's tavern."

"Really?! But I thought you didn't like it."

"It's not my favorite place, but I don't dislike it, and I know you love it. So I'm willing to put up with it if it makes you happy."

"That's so sweet! But deep down I suspect you love it too."

Perhaps, Eile thought, but I'm not going to admit it.

Aloud she said, "Finally, we'll spend the evening at Madam Trotula's bathhouse."

Sunny gave her a coquettish leer. "My word! You've taken quite a liking to water sports, haven't you."

Embarrassed, Eile said as she blushed, "Yeah, well, we don't have a hot tub back in the Waking World, or a pool, or access to anything like that with privacy, so it's either the shower or super soakers in the back yard. Besides, it's a bit more erotic than going back to our own bed."

"Oh, I agree completely," Sunny said, "but what about tonight? We wouldn't get back to Ulthar until well after sunset, and I don't want to travel around Mt. Lerion in the dark."

"Me neither, so we'll stay overnight in Kirin again. If we leave at the crack of dawn, we should be in Ulthar by noon at the latest. Say an hour to drop off the stuff with Mephitis, collect our pay, change clothes, and grab something to eat, we can still have at least four hours at Tabitha's."

Sunny smiled and crinkled her eyes. "Sounds like a plan, partner."

"That's assuming you don't get distracted by anything along the way."

Sunny affected a serious attitude. "I swear, I will focus my attention solely on getting home and ignore everything else around me. Cross my heart and hope to die," she added as she traced an "X" over her chest. She used the hand that held the staff, and almost whacked herself in the face, which elicited a giggling fit.

"Oh, Sunny," Eile admonished, shaking her head, but with a broad a grin.

By this time they had reached the spot indicated on the map. It was a boggy hollow, in area a little larger than a baseball diamond. Shallow pools of debris- and silt-filled water lay interspersed by mounds and ridges of soggy earth. The trees were small and thinner here, and more widely scattered, but the only other vegetation was thick mats of a ground-hugging herb.

Shadow sat on a rock, waiting for them. The long, lean, smoky-gray cat looked up at them with her mint-green eyes as they came abreast of her. "This may be a little more difficult," she said, with what Eile believed was smug satisfaction.

"What do you think?" she asked Sunny.

"It doesn't look too bad," she replied, but with a hint of uncertainty in her tone. Eile couldn't blame her. While this wasn't going to be as easy as the other items, it looked simple enough: avoid the pools, stay on the land, and hope it was solid enough to support them. But it would make searching for the gilded toadstool all the more difficult.

"If only we knew where to look," Sunny added in frustration.

As if her words were a prayer, a shaft of sunlight dropped out of a break in the clouds and fell on the central mound. At its center an object winked and twinkled with a distinctive metallic sheen.

Though stunned, Eile was too suspicious to believe it was a miracle. "Alright, now that was just too convenient."

"Yeah," Sunny agreed in a nervous voice, "but what choice do we have?"

Sunny was right. "None," she said as she placed the pack on the ground. "You go first," she continued as she pulled the ring at her right shoulder. Her sword dropped to her hip. "Use your staff to test the ground ahead, make sure it's firm." She unhooked the sword and held it at the ready. "I'll watch our backs. Okay?"

"Okay, partner!" Sunny grinned, excitement shining in her eyes. "Team Girl! laughs in the face of death as we brave the dangers of the bog of doom! Ha-ha-ha!"

Eile grimaced and pressed the fingers of her left hand into her forehead. "Just . . . be careful where you step, will ya? Shadow, you stay here."

"I'll be sure to tell Mayv where to scatter the flowers."

She gave the cat a dirty look. "Thanks a bunch."

"Don't mention it."

Sunny made her way to the closest ridge and started out over it, probing the earth with her staff before she took each step. Eile made sure she stepped into Sunny's footprints. At first the ground seemed quite firm, but after a couple of yards Sunny started to sink. For a moment Eile's heart seized as she expected Sunny to be sucked down out of sight, but she only sank to her ankles. The ground was getting softer, but the vegetation seemed able to hold it together.

"Ick!" Sunny squealed as she extracted her foot.

"Keep moving!" Eile ordered. She sank as well, but fortunately no deeper despite her armor. Apparently the herb mat was strong enough to bear their weight without breaking.

"I hope I tied the laces tight enough," Sunny replied as she took another step. "I don't want to be stuck out here without shoes."

After nearly twelve months, Eile had gotten pretty good at estimating time passage without a watch. It was sort of like dead reckoning. By her calculation, it took them a total of forty-five minutes to reach the central mound. It was a nerve-wracking trip; with each step, Eile expected them to stumble into quicksand or fall through an unsuspected dirt bridge and sink into a deep bog hole. But they made it safely, and she figured the journey back would be faster.

Sunny lifted her skirt and examined her feet. They were covered in muck half-way up her shins. "Ugh. I'm gonna need to get new shoes after this." She then dropped the hem and looked around, while Eile looked with her.

The mound was no different from any of the others, except larger. It was covered by an herb mat, but in its center stood the Golden Mushroom. It resembled its name exactly: a standard toadstool stalk and cap, but metallic gold in color. In fact, it looked like it was made of real gold.

"Here," Sunny said, holding out her staff. Eile took it.

"We'll take the exact route back," she said as Sunny put on her gloves and went up to the fungus.

"Right," she said in an absentminded fashion as she knelt down.

In the same moment, Eile felt something strange in the woods around them. The hairs on the nape of neck stood up as her skin crawled and turned to goose flesh. Raising her sword, she turned around in all directions, trying to identify it, but she saw nothing. But she heard it: muffled thunderclaps like the stamping of huge feet. They sounded like the approach of the T-rex in Jurassic Park. Then she felt the ground tremble with the concussion shock. Something was coming, something huge, but she couldn't pinpoint from where.

She looked back at Sunny. She had heard and felt it too, and she stood slowly as she looked around.

"Sunny!" Eile yelled and tossed her the staff. She caught it and went into a fighting stance, ready for whatever came.

The sounds grew steadily louder as the tremors intensified. Then Eile saw them: gigantic anthropoid figures striding around the perimeter of the hollow, just beyond the tree line. She tried to count them, but lost track as they crossed back and forth across each other's paths. They moved faster than she expected from their size. She looked for Shadow, but the cat was gone.

Before she could try to find her, one of the figures emerged into the hollow. It came at her with startling speed as it covered great distances with each enormous stride.

"Sweet Jesus!" she shouted as she saw it clearly for the first time. It looked like a tree.

"Eyeiyiyiy!" Sunny screamed. Eile whipped around in time to see a second tree-creature stalking off with Sunny in one hand. She struggled, kicked, and pounded on the fingers, but it had her in an iron grip. "Eile!! Help me!!!" she shrieked as the monster merged with the woods and vanished from sight.

"Sunnyyy!!!" Eile yelled and started off after her. The creature coming up behind her passed her in two massive strides, then it turned and swung an arm at her. It caught her before she could dodge it, picked her up, and threw her backwards in a high, long arch. She landed in one of the pools with a shocking splash. Terrified, she flailed about for some moments, desperately trying to stay afloat, when she realized she was already resting on the bottom. She sat up out of the water and wiped away leaves, twigs, peat, and detritus from her face as she sputtered to expel the foul tasting water out of her mouth.

She looked around and found the pool as only waist-deep while sitting down. She also saw that the tree-monsters were gone.

"Shit!" She groped for her sword, and when she found it she stood up and ran back to the central mound, now heedless to any danger. She gained the top and glanced around, looking for the spot where the one creature took Sunny into the woods, but she saw nothing to indicate where they had gone.

"Arrrgh, dammit, dammit, dammit!" she raged, as much from misery as wrath.

"Eile!"

She turned and saw Shadow standing on a farther mound.

"I know where they took Sunny. Follow me!"

Eile didn't argue. She charged off the mound and across a ridge, then followed the cat as it crossed the rest of the hollow and dashed into the woods. Eile ran as fast as she could push herself, relying on instinct to avoid roots and branches, and luck to avoid what her instincts couldn't detect. The scenery around her passed in a blur as her sight focused into tunnel vision and she became oblivious to everything except the chase and her desperate desire to find Sunny.

God, she thought, whoever or whatever you are in this place, please let her be safe. I can't live without her; I couldn't stand to lose her. Please, I beg of you, let me find her alive.

As fast as she was, Shadow was faster, and she almost lost her a few times in the dense woods. The last time she couldn't find her, and she panicked thinking the cat had turned somewhere and she missed it. She dashed about in a frantic manner, trying to pick up her trail, and getting nowhere. But finally she burst through a tangle of shrubs and found herself in a clearing. She slammed to a halt, and saw Shadow in front of her. Sunny was there too, standing further in, unharmed.

"Sunny!" she shouted and ran towards her.

"Eile!" Sunny squealed and rushed to meet her. They threw themselves into each other's arms and clung to each other with bear hugs as they kissed hard and passionate.

"This reunion is touching, but We have important matters to discuss."

The deep stentorian voice rumbled and echoed like thunder. Still wrapped in their mutual embrace, Eile and Sunny stared in the direction it came from. Eile could feel Sunny's heart pounding in trepidation, and it matched the beat of her own.

The far end of the clearing was dominated by a monstrous chair, almost like a throne, and it was dominated by an equally monstrous occupant. It was humanoid, with a block-shaped head and massive body and limbs, but it had the legs of a goat, including cloven hoofs. The skin was slate-gray, covered with short, curly fur the color of forest green. Its facial features were human, but with a bestial cast. Goat's ears stuck out from the sides of its head, and from the corners of its forehead sprouted two structures. Eile couldn't decide if they were horns or antlers, they seemed to resemble both. It was flanked on either side by a tree-creature, but while they were at least four times her and Sunny's height, they only came up to the top of the being's head while it was seated.

Eile stepped away from Sunny and looked around the clearing for a possible escape route. It soon became apparent, however, that this was like no clearing she had ever seen. The trees that enclosed the perimeter formed a near perfect circle. They stood as straight and smooth as stone pillars, and their canopies merged and spread over the clearing, creating a domed roof. Only in the exact center was there still a patch of open sky, and a shaft of sunlight fell straight down onto a gigantic stump planed flat and smooth like a stage. The most disturbing aspect was the dozen or so tree-monsters stationed at regular intervals around the perimeter. As such, Eile realized that, while there were many places where she and Sunny could make a break for the woods, there were none close enough that a tree-thing couldn't intercept them before they escaped.

"Step into the light," the being rumbled. Eile and Sunny exchanged glances. She looked as nervous as Eile felt, but Eile was also mad as heck. They nodded to each other and walked over to the stage stump. It was some three high. Eile hopped up and sat on its edge as she helped Sunny up beside her. Then they both stood and moved to the center.

Shadow appeared between them from behind and sauntered out ahead of them. "If it pleases My Lord?" she asked as she sat.

"And You are?"

"Shadow-stalker, a Huntress."

"And Your request?"

"I wish to introduce you to my charges. They don't know who you are."

"Very well. You may proceed."

She looked back at the girls. "Sunny, Eile, this is The Horned One, the Lord of the Dark Wood. His power here is absolute; not even the Great Ones can challenge it."

Eile felt chills run up and down her spine. "Understood."

"Yeaaahhh," Sunny said in awe.

Shadow looked back at the being and nodded her head. "Thank you, My Lord." But she kept her place.

"Who are You?" the Horned Lord asked.

Sunny looked at Eile. Sunny was the more diplomatic of them, and Eile nodded.

Sunny took a step forward. "Mr. Horned Lord —"

"'My Lord' will suffice."

"Umm, okay," Sunny conceded with a nervous giggle. "Ah, we're Team Girl! I'm Sunny, this is my partner, Eile, and Shadow is our friend."

"Why have You come to Our Wood?"

"We were commissioned by Mephitis, the Apothecary of Ulthar, to collect ingredients for her potions and medicines."

"And who gave You permission to collect these ingredients?"

Sunny glanced at Eile with look of mixed confusion and alarm. Eile had no idea how to answer that question and she shrugged, but she didn't like the way this was going.

"Uhh, nobody, My Lord," Sunny said as she faced him again. "We just assumed that, since they were growing wild, they were free for anyone to take."

"You assumed wrong. Everything in the Wood belongs to Us, and may not be taken without Our permission."

Butterflies began dive-bombing Eile's stomach as Sunny said, "We didn't know! We're sorry; we promise never to do it again."

"Ignorance is no excuse, and Your apology is insufficient. The penalty for trespassing in Our Wood and despoiling It is death."

A jolt ran through Eile's nerves as Sunny stiffened. "Whoa!" she shouted as she jumped beside her. "Now wait just a damn minute! That's pretty harsh for picking a few weeds and such."

"Would you not do the same to any intruder who broke into Your Home and tried to steal what belonged to You?"

"No! We'd call the police, let them haul his ass off to jail."

"Your words mean nothing. Nonetheless, the principle is the same. The Wood is Our Home; everything in It is Our Property."

"Dammit, it's not the same! Jesus, this is so retarded!"

"Eile," Shadow said, "let me handle this. My Lord, if I may?" Eile fumed, but she did not object.

"Proceed, Huntress."

"My Lord, these girls are under the patronage of Her Most Serene Feline Majesty, the High Queen of All Cats. She would be greatly displeased if any harm came to them."

"Her Majesty has no power within Our Wood."

"True, but can you afford an open break with my people? If we declared war, we would be prepared to field as many legionnaires as needed to defeat you."

"That is but the first reason We had decided not to interfere with Your activity. However, the Golden Mushroom may not be taken. To but touch it invites swift death."

"These girls are also friends and protégés of Mayv Hair-rayn. She would consider it a personal insult if either of them was harmed in even the slightest way, and she never fails to address personal wrongs."

"That is but the second reason We have decided to forgive Your trespass and Your attempted defilement of the Golden Mushroom. Furthermore, You may keep what You have gathered, provided You never return to Our Wood. You may now leave."

Eile almost couldn't believe she heard right. She breathed a sigh of relief as she felt her legs turn to jelly; the urge to collapse was almost too strong to resist.

"But we won't get paid without the mushroom!" Sunny objected.

Mortified, Eile almost jumped out of her armor from shock. "Sunnyyy!? Jesus!"

"That is not Our concern. You have two choices: You may either leave with what You have —"

"So we'd fail!" she whined.

"Or, You may take a commission from Us, in which case, if You succeed, We shall give You the Golden Mushroom."

"Really?!" Sunny squealed in delight.

"Yes."

"Alright! Woo hoo!" And she danced a jig around Eile and Shadow.

"We take it You agree?"

"Yes!" Sunny shouted. "Yes, yes, yes!"

"No!" Eile roared. She reached out, grabbed Sunny by the arm, and pulled her close, seizing her in a headlock.

"Settle down, you spaz!" she ordered; "for once, let's think before we leap, okay?"

"Okay," Sunny gasped.

"Alright," Eile said as she released her. Sunny coughed a couple of times trying to catch her breath. Eile patted her on the shoulder. "Let's focus."

Sunny nodded and gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry."

Eile turned towards the Horned Lord. "What did you have in mind?"

"We have been part of the Dreamworld since the beginning," he replied, "when It formed from the imagination of Nyarlathotep. We ruled over It entirely, when forest and wilderness covered every land surface. But as the countless millennia rolled by We watched, helpless, as Newcomers cut and burned the Trees and plowed the Wilds to make way for farmland, pastures, and cities, creating deserts, swamps, and barren wastes wherever They went. In time, all that was left to Us was this small Wood, yet This We shall keep. We will not allow Anyone to take It from Us, as so much has been taken already.

"But now One comes to challenge Our claim. We have contested with Him, but cannot destroy Him or drive Him out. So long as He remains, He threatens Our hegemony, and so long as He remains, He grows stronger as We grow weaker. Therefore, Our commission to you, is to force Him to depart and prevent His return."

"Oh, is that all!" Eile said in a sarcastic tone. "As simple as that, huh? Yeah, right. If you couldn't defeat him, what makes you think we can?"

"There is Power even We cannot control, or understand. Such Power may succeed where Ours has failed."

"And you think we have that kind of power? Sweet Jesus! Just what do you think we are, demigods or something?"

"We do not know; do You?"

Stunned, Eile burst out, "What the hell does that mean?!"

"Excuse us for minute," Sunny said, as she took Eile by the arm, "we need a partner conference." And she turned her around and led her to the far side of the stump.

"Now, don't you try to sweet-talk me," Eile told her in a harsh whisper, "there's no way I'm gonna agree to this!"

"We have to! Don'tcha see? We have no choice."

"What are you talking about?"

"If we don't have the mushroom, Mephitis won't pay us."

"We don't need the money, Sunny."

"But we'll fail our commission!"

"So what? We can't always win. Cripes, not all of our adventures succeed in the Waking World either."

"But it's different here! We survive on the fees we're paid for our commissions. If people see us as failures, they won't hire us; if they don't hire us, we don't get paid. It's as simple as that."

Eile hesitated, as her anger began to drain away. She had a point. Still —

"We have the money the cats paid us."

"And how long do you think that'll last?"

She had another point. Costs were higher here, and truth be told, they weren't as frugal as they were in the Waking World. They had blown through half the reward in about a year; at that rate, the rest wouldn't last past another. And even if they counted every tahler, they probably couldn't stretch it out more than two.

"Ah, shit," she said, as her resistance melted away. "Okay, you win, we'll do it."

"Yes!" Sunny spun around and shouted at the Horned Lord, "We'll do it!"

As they walked back to the center, Eile asked, "So, where do we find this challenger?"

A map of the Wood appeared in the air between the stump and the throne, startling them. However, Sunny recovered first and pulled out their scroll.

"You are here," the Horned Lord said, as a spot of light appeared in almost the exact center of the Wood.

Sunny oriented the drawn map to match the aerial one. "Got it!"

A second glowing spot appeared above it, at the very edge of the Wood directly opposite the river. "The Usurper is here."

Sunny checked her map. "Got it!"

The aerial map faded away as Sunny rolled up the scroll and stuck it back in her belt. "We'll leave immediately!" she announced and moved to hop off the stump.

"Unfortunately, We must insist on a condition." That stopped her in her tracks as Eile felt a cold lump grow in her belly.

"We demand that one of You remain behind as Hostage."

Eile exchanged glances with Sunny; she looked just as shocked and scared as she felt.

"But we can't separate!" Sunny objected. "We're a team. Alone, neither of us can succeed; together, we can't fail!"

"They are telling the truth," Shadow said, "they are the Twins. Whatever power they have only works when they are together."

"That is but the third reason We decided to offer You Our commission. But We do not trust Humans. Therefore, We demand a Hostage."

Eile didn't know what to do. She would volunteer, but didn't want Sunny facing the danger alone, and anyways she didn't think she could handle it. Yet she also feared she might need Sunny's help if the threat was magical; Sunny was the magician, not her. And in any event, she didn't want her to be the hostage.

She could see from the expression on her face that Sunny was torn by the same dilemma, but she was the more forthright one, who tended to speak and act without thinking. Eile knew she had to speak first to keep Sunny from making the decision. Eile opened her mouth, but before she could say a word, Shadow said, "I will be the hostage."

"Shadow, no!" Sunny said.

The cat looked back at them. "It's the best decision. This way, you have the best chance of beating the threat, whatever it is. Besides, it's my duty. I have sworn to protect and defend you both, with my life if necessary. I can do that better here than with either of you out there."

"But —" Sunny began, when Eile interrupted by putting her hand on her shoulder.

"She's right, and it's her choice. We have to respect it."

"But — but — well, . . . I suppose you're right."

"And the best thing we can do for her is succeed."

"Yeah. Then we'd better get going, partner."

The girls hopped off the stump and, with Sunny leading the way, headed for the woods.

"Just so there is no misunderstanding," the Horned Lord said as they passed him, "You must defeat the Interloper to free Your Friend. If You flee, if You fail, Her life is forfeit."

Eile paused long enough to give him a menacing look. "We understand," she replied in a grim tone, then sprinted to catch up with Sunny.

+ + + + +

By Eile's reckoning, it took them an hour to reach their destination. They hardly spoke the entire time, but there wasn't much to say. They had been adventuring together long enough for her to know when they were focused on their mission, and this was one of those times. It was at such times that the enjoyment gave way to a sense of urgency, a desire to knuckle down and finish the job so that they could go home and celebrate another victory.

Only this time, she thought with bleak irony, we're gonna have more to celebrate. Assuming we survive.

It was Sunny who first noticed the change as they got close. She paused at a tree and ran her hand over the trunk. Pieces of bark flaked off like dry skin.

"This tree is dying," she announced.

Eile didn't question her assessment. That was another of her magical talents, the ability to read life signs. Even so . . . "Trees do die, don't they?"

"Yeah," she agreed as she went to another, "but this one's also dying." She jogged to another. "And this one." She sprinted to another. "And this one!" She ran to one more, and Eile hurried to catch up. "This one's dead!"

Eile's spine tingled. "Okay, I'm officially creeped out now."

"I think this is what's got the Horned One worried. Whatever the threat is, its killing his woods. If his power is tied to it, he gets weaker as more of it dies."

"Probably too much to hope for that it's just beetles or a fungus?"

Sunny looked out ahead of them. "It looks too extensive for that."

Eile followed her gaze, and saw that every tree before them was in some state of deterioration. She knew nothing about forest ecology, but she had to agree the problem looked too widespread for a simple pest or blight. Besides, she didn't know how they could fight something like that.

They continued on. As they went deeper into the affected area, the trees progressed from dying to dead to rotting, until just short of the center they were reduced to ragged stumps. And it wasn't just the trees. All vegetation, even hardy lichens and stubborn fungi, were effected and gradually disappeared until only barren ground was left. Or not quite barren, as Eile realized it was covered with a blanket of decayed detritus that turned the soil into a gooey morass. If it had been any wetter, she had no doubt they would have become trapped like flies in amber.

At the exact center sat a ring of nine rough-hewn stone blocks. It seemed to Eile that they formed a perfect circle; at least, as perfect as she could perceive. In their center stood a figure. It was as tall as a very tall man, but it was thin. It was covered with a hooded robe colored a dirty mustard while its face was hidden behind a mottled, urine colored veil. Its arms were crossed over its chest. Eile couldn't see any hands, though they might have been hidden inside the sleeves, and the hem of the robe trailed in the debris, hiding any feet.

The figure made no move as they approached, but it stood facing them the whole time. When they reached the edge of the megalith, however, it nodded its head. "Welcome, An Cúpla. I have been waiting for you." The voice came out of the air instead of the figure, but it was the only possible source of the words.

Eile felt her hairs stand on end as her hands went clammy and her mouth dried up. That was what Medb called them. It meant "The Twins" in Irish.

"How do you know who we are?" Sunny asked in an astonished tone.

"Who in the Lands of Dream would not?"

Eile almost fainted from shock. That was what Nyarlathotep had said to her in the Temple of Ubasti.

"Well, whoever you are, you're trespassing!" Sunny continued in a stern voice. "We order you to leave and never come back!"

"How can I trespass in my own woods?"

"They're not yours! They belong to the Horned One."

"These woods were mine from the moment I created them, long before the Horned One claimed them for his own. I am merely asserting my prior claim of ownership."

"We don't believe you."

"That does not matter, and neither does this petty quarrel. You are here at last; now, your destiny may be fulfilled."

"What are you talking about?"

"Did not Medb hErenn tell you? It is in the Scrolls of Skelos. The Twins are the spawn of the Crawling Chaos. It is their destiny to join with Him, and through Him realize their true power."

"Liar!" Sunny spat.

"How can you be sure? Eile, why do you think your mother died so soon after your birth? Sunny, how could two women have a child?"

Eile felt her blood run cold. She didn't want to believe it, but it made sense! She always wondered if her father had killed her mother. It would explain why he never talked about her, and why he was always so cold to his own daughter. And she had never really believed Medb's explanation of Sunny's conception.

"Eile! Don't listen! It's all a scam!"

But Eile barely heard Sunny. She stared up into the yellow "face" of the figure, and felt her will slip away.

It spread its arms as if to embrace her. "Come to me, my child. Long have I yearned to hold you, long have I desired to join with you. I am your true father, accept me and your fate."

In her perception, the hooded, veiled head loomed closer as her mind seemed to pass into it. The veil folded around her and became a snug, warm blanket. The blanket paled, became a mist; the mist thinned, dissipated, revealed a star field like the Milky Way, only a million times clearer and brighter than she had ever seen it before. The stars flowed towards her and swarmed around her as they wove a cocoon —

The stars exploded, blinding her, as her head rang with a smashing pain. She grabbed the crown of her skull and spun around as her vision cleared. Sunny stood behind, her staff raised, ready to wallop her again.

"What the hell was that for!?" she roared, hefting her sword in reflex.

"You were walking into its arms!" and she point behind Eile.

"What?!" she hollered, then she understood. Looking over her shoulder, she saw she was just inches away from the ends of the outstretched sleeves.

"Gaaah!" she shriek as she whirled around and danced backwards at the same time, swing her sword to ward the figure off. "Get away from me!!"

The figure dropped its arms. "Very well. If you will not join with me willingly, you shall be forced."

Eile and Sunny took up fighting stances, expecting it to advance on them, but instead it just folded its arms. Eile looked at Sunny, and she looked as bewildered as she felt. Then she heard what sounded like a low moan. They turned together, and through the openings between the blocks they saw mounds form in the gooey detritic soil. They rose up into columns as tall as the figure, then they bulked out as arms sprouted from their sides and their bases split into two columnar legs. Last of all, three orifices opened in the bulbous tops, two small ones above, one large one beneath. With that, the golems stepped forward between the blocks and moved to converge on the girls. Their keening filled the air with a low, monotonous throb.

Eile actually felt relieved. "Finally," she said in a gleeful voice, "something tangible to pummel."

"Let's get 'em, partner!" Sunny squealed.

"Rraaaahhhrr!" they shouted in unison as they charged the closest group.

When they reached the golems, they split up to give themselves plenty of room, while staying close enough to support each other as needed. It was a tactic they had practiced so often that it had become second nature. Eile swung her sword in wide arcs as she twisted and turned, slicing off arms, slashing bodies, and severing heads. The consistency of the golems was like heavy dough, but her sword was thin and sharp enough to cut clean through. When she could spare a glance, she saw Sunny wasn't having the same luck. Her staff simply left dents that the creatures shook off. However, Eile wasn't concerned. In one key way, she had a more powerful weapon than anything Eile could wield.

Sunny pointed at a golem and shouted, "Burn!", and it burst into flames. At another, shouting, "Fry!", and it sizzled, warped, and shriveled like a piece of bacon in a skillet. "Freeze!", and a third turned into a block of ice. "Zap!", and a fourth one was turned into a cinder by an electrical flash.

Despite the damage they were doing, though, Eile got the sinking suspicion they were making no real headway. The number of golems didn't diminish, and they pressed closer with each second. In fact, it seemed they were getting bigger, and tougher. She severed one in half from shoulder to crotch, but stepped back to watch what happened. It didn't collapse as she expected, but actually rejoined, and then grew larger! Alarmed, she twisted around to see Sunny. She shattered one into quivering, glistening globs, but when she turned away to face a new opponent, they recombined and reformed, and the reconstructed golem again bulked bigger.

"Holy shit!" she gulped, and she grabbed Sunny and pulled her back into the middle of the tightening circle of monsters.

"What's the matter?" she asked as they pressed together back-to-back.

"We're not hurting them! We're just making them stronger!"

"Huh?"

"See for yourself; blast one of them!"

Sunny focused on the closest and shouted, "Nuke'em!" The golem vanished in a searing flash of light and a concussion shockwave, with a small mushroom cloud rising in its place, but the cloud coalesced and solidified into a new creature larger than the one it replaced.

"Eeep!" she squealed.

"Yeah, that was my reaction."

"What do we do?"

"I–I don't know. I'm thinking!"

"Well, think faster! They're almost on top of us!"

"I'm trying! Jesus. It's almost as if they feed off our attacks."

She felt Sunny stiffen. "That's it!"

Startled, Eile said, "What's it? What are you talking about?"

Sunny didn't respond. Instead, she turned around, wrapped her arms around Eile's waist, and licked the nape of her neck.

"Gaah!" Eile cried, jumping and almost dropping her sword. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Violence makes them stronger," Sunny replied in her ear, "so maybe love will weaken them."

"You always get like this when we're in the most danger, you space-case."

"I'm serious. What have we got to lose? Let's do it!"

"H–here? Now?!"

"No, not sex, silly; love, affection." And she started blowing in Eile's ear.

Some part of her insisted that this was insane. The golems could only be beaten with sword and club, pounded back into the earth from whence they came. But she trusted Sunny, and what's more, she knew she had an uncanny knack for intuiting the best response to a dangerous situation. If she had to choose between Sunny's suggestion and her own judgment, in a situation like this she preferred to follow her heart.

"Aww, cripes!" She jabbed the point of her sword into the ground, turned around, threw her arms around Sunny's torso, and kissed her. It was a long and deep one as they ran their hands over their bodies and heads. Eile felt Sunny probe her with her tongue; she squeezed Sunny's butt. They switched to pecking at each other's faces, licking their cheeks and chins, nuzzling their necks, and nibbling their earlobes. Eile felt her passion enflame, but it wasn't lust. It was the strong, warm, comfortable affection she felt for Sunny every waking hour. She loved Sunny so deeply that it hurt to be away from her; so tenderly that she felt a part of her own being; so solidly that no one else could hold any interest for her. It was as if they were two halves of the same person, made whole only when they first met and fell in love.

After what seemed to Eile like both a long time and no time at all, she realized that the golems hadn't reached them. Taking advantage of Sunny kissing her neck, Eile opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder past her head. They were surrounded by a curtain like a heat shimmer. The golems were advancing on them without hesitation, but any that passed through the curtain were shredded into mulch, and none reformed!

"Sunny!" she said, "it's working! Keep it up!"

"With pleasure," she murmured as she moved her way up to Eile's cheek.

Eile didn't really believe the tales of the Twins Medb told them, or of the prophecy, but at times like this she could almost be convinced. Sunny's magic was powerful, but it was usually erratic and sometime unpredictable. She often wondered if she lent it the stability needed to produce this kind of effect. The golems kept coming, heedless to the danger, and the curtain continued to fragment them. Finally, the last one was ripped apart, and silence fell over the circle of stones.

Still embraced, Eile and Sunny turned to confront the interloper. The shimmer curtain flowed around them and formed a wall between it and them.

"Now, you girls cannot possibly believe that a primordial, immortal, omnipotent being such as myself can possibly be harmed by so maudlin an emotion as love, do you?"

Eile felt a scintilla of doubt form — no, not this time! she thought as she squashed it for good. She felt Sunny stiffen as her heart began to race, and the curtain started to fade. Reaching up, she touched Sunny on her lips, who turned to look at her. She kissed her mouth lightly, then stroked her cheek and ran her fingers along her jaw. She felt her heart slow as Sunny relaxed and sighed. The curtain reformed, intensified. Eile pecked her cheek as she ran her hand down Sunny's neck and over her shoulder. Dropping it to her bosom, she gently squeezed one breast. Sunny gasped and moaned, and light exploded from her eyes.

Eile looked at the yellow-robed figure. The shimmer curtain moved towards it and surrounded it, sealing it in a hollow column. Then it began to contract. The figure raised its arms as if to ward off it off, but the curtain's motion was inexorable, and its arms were forced against its sides. As the column's diameter shrank, it compressed the interloper's body, pressing it tighter together into a thinner mass. It struggled as it tried to escape, but the curtain was too strong. The figure made no sound until the column had contracted to the diameter of a human arm. Then it began to scream as its body was squeezed like a toothpaste tube. The column contracted further and forced the figure up into the sky. The curtain became a narrow shaft of light as the scream ascended and faded with distance. When it disappeared entirely, the shaft winked and vanished.

The light dimmed from Sunny's eyes and she collapsed against Eile. Eile picked her up and carried her out of the stone circle, but once they were clear she awoke. Eile set her on her feet.

"Are you alright?"

Sunny smiled and crinkled her eyes. "Yeah. Never felt better." And she kissed Eile on the cheek.

In the same instant, tree-creatures swept past them. It was as if they just appeared out of thin air, there had been no warning of their coming. They descended on the stone ring and began battering the blocks down with their fists and smashing them underfoot. Stunned, the girls didn't know whether to run or stay put. Then they were swept up in a gigantic hand and deposited on a tree-thing's shoulders. It headed for the woods as soon as they were in place and entered the trees in only a dozen strides.

+ + + + +

The tree-monster took them through the Wood in less time than it would take for a crow to fly the same distance. Eile had a sense of blurred scenery rushing past them as she bobbed and swayed on the creature's shoulder, then before she realized it they had arrived at the edge of the woods closest to the river. It let them down gently before it turned and strode off, disappearing into the trees in an instant.

Eile barely had time to get her bearings when she heard a familiar voice.

"It took you two long enough to get here."

She and Sunny turned around, and saw Shadow-stalker sitting on top of their pack, which leaned against a tree. Next to it were her sword and Sunny's staff. It seemed to her that the cat had a smug look of satisfaction on its face.

"Shadow!" Sunny squealed with delight as she rushed over to her.

"Please don't pick me up!" Shadow cried as she stood and arched her back.

Sunny giggled. "Don't be silly! I know you don't like to be cuddled." And she squatted down and scratched her behind the ears. Shadow closed her eyes, strained her neck, and purred.

Eile couldn't help smiling. For all her curmudgeonly manner, Shadow really had a soft heart.

"A job well done," rumbled a voice behind her. Eile turned and saw the Horned Lord solidify out of thin air. This time it stood only twice her own height, but its voice had lost none of its power.

"And Your reward." He held in his hands a large glass jar, stopped with cork and sealed with wax. Inside, the bottom was covered with a layer of dirt over which lay a piece of herbal matting. In the center stood the Golden Mushroom.

He presented it to Eile, who accepted it and walked it over to Sunny. Handing it down to her as Shadow jumped off the pack, Sunny then placed it inside.

"I'll go on ahead and make sure the boat is ready for the river crossing," Shadow said, and she dashed off out of the Wood across a field.

"You have earned Our thanks," the Horned Lord continued. "You are Our Friends."

Sunny stood up beside Eile and said, "Thank you."

"You are welcome. Furthermore, We wish to grant You special Names, by which all Our Friends shall know You. Henceforth, you —" he pointed at Eile "— shall be known as Little Brown Weasel."

"Umm, okay; thanks," she said in a subdued tone. She wasn't trying to be rude, but the name was a little underwhelming.

As if sensing her disappointment, the Horned Lord added, "For in all the World, there is nothing as smart, steadfast, or courageous as the Weasel."

"Hey, yeah!" Eile brightened. She hadn't thought of it that way.

"And You —" he pointed at Sunny "— shall be known as Golden Kitten, for in all the World, there is nothing as innocent, inquisitive, or fearless as a kitten."

She giggled. "Aww, that's sweet!"

The Horned Lord raised his right hand. "And so, fare Thee well, and know that You are welcome in Our Wood whenever You wish to return. Just, be sure to ask permission before doing any more collecting."

"We will," Sunny said as she hefted the pack onto her back. She retrieved her staff as Eile attached her sword to her harness. "Good-bye," she added, "and thank you!"

She and Eile turned to go, but Eile stopped when she thought of something. Sunny halted as well, an inquisitive look on her face.

"Wait a second," Eile said in a suspicious manner, turning to face the Horned Lord. "If no one can take anything from your woods without permission, how did Mephitis get a map pinpointing the exact location of every plant?"

The Horned Lord smiled for the first time. It looked oddly gentle and beneficent. "That is simple. She had Our permission to gather whatever She required. And that extends to Her Agents."

"What!?" Eile yelped.

"Oh, my word!" Sunny exclaimed.

"You mean this whole thing was a setup?!"

"Not entirely. Mephitis had no idea what We had planned, but Medb hErenn did."

"So that's why she recommended us to Mephitis!" Sunny said.

"Indeed."

"Why that conniving bitch!" Eile raged. "When we get back to Ulthar, so help I'm gonna —!"

She was interrupted when the Horned Lord bellowed out merry laughter so strong the earth shook. He continued to laugh as his form faded away, then the sound faded as if retreating into the distance. Finally there was silence, except for bird song in the trees and cricket chirps in the field.

"Holy Jesus God!" Eile breathed, in a quiet overawed voice.

"Hey," Sunny said, touching her elbow, "it's getting dark, and I'm hungry and tired. Let's get back to Kirin."

Eile looked at her and smiled. "Yeah," she said, "and I could use a bath." Taking her hand, they started towards the river visible in the distance.

"I hope you're not too tired," Eile added after a short way.

"Why?" Sunny asked, looking at her.

"Because that little show we put on earlier has got me feeling . . . well, you know."

"Oh, yeah?" Sunny smiled, crinkled her eyes, and giggled. "Me too."

"Then what are we waiting for? Last one to the river is a Zoog!"

She started running, and Sunny, squealing in delight, raced after her.